“People
with AS (Aspergers) often offend people or are accused of being insensitive
because they seem to have no mental filter. The stereotype is of a person with
AS talking to someone at a party and then matter of factly pointing out that
the other person has really bad teeth, and asking if they're going to go to a
dentist to get them fixed. Part of this problem comes from the whole 'trouble
with understanding another person's perspective' thing. People with AS also
tend not see what the big deal with being direct is, not care when someone is
blunt with them, and assume others feel the same way.”
-from succeedsocially.com
This has been a lifelong struggle for me. Many of us were like this as kids, but we grew out of it. I didn't. It's part of my journey every single day. I have loads of coping mechanisms to block my AS/ASD from you, but these slip through from time to time.
Now I have never commented on people's teeth that I'm aware of. Yet, I sometimes experience the saying something hurtful or inappropriate and immediately recognizing it. Other times, I don't recognize it. Sometimes it is to your face. Sometimes it's to others. Sometimes it's hurtful other times its just odd or easily misunderstood. I don't want to do this, but so far I have been a unable to stop it on my own.
Knowing I have AS/ASD explains it, but it can also make me feel trapped by it. Everyone deals with taming the tongue but imagine you have to tame a tongue connected to a brain void of normal mental filters. Imagine needing to apologize for something you said that only a child would have had the same lack of discernment. It can feel hopeless.
I struggle with the fact that I am a terrible example of Christ when I do this. That's Satan’s voice in my head. When we struggle we can only be an example on dependence on Jesus. Perfection is not an expectation.
Sure, it could be that my brain is wired to be a jerk forever with no consideration that I am a new creation in Christ. But I'm going to go forward with the belief that Jesus is stronger than my AS/ASD It's not that I haven't always thought that, but I have been trying to fix it on my own. Now I'm going to look for opportunities to be overly gentle and overly sensitive to others. Then my words might come out relatively sensitive. That might sound so ridiculous to you but for me and my son Jack and hundreds of other aspies (AS/ASD) we are naturally blunt and insensitive no matter how much we love you.
This has been a lifelong struggle for me. Many of us were like this as kids, but we grew out of it. I didn't. It's part of my journey every single day. I have loads of coping mechanisms to block my AS/ASD from you, but these slip through from time to time.
Now I have never commented on people's teeth that I'm aware of. Yet, I sometimes experience the saying something hurtful or inappropriate and immediately recognizing it. Other times, I don't recognize it. Sometimes it is to your face. Sometimes it's to others. Sometimes it's hurtful other times its just odd or easily misunderstood. I don't want to do this, but so far I have been a unable to stop it on my own.
Knowing I have AS/ASD explains it, but it can also make me feel trapped by it. Everyone deals with taming the tongue but imagine you have to tame a tongue connected to a brain void of normal mental filters. Imagine needing to apologize for something you said that only a child would have had the same lack of discernment. It can feel hopeless.
I struggle with the fact that I am a terrible example of Christ when I do this. That's Satan’s voice in my head. When we struggle we can only be an example on dependence on Jesus. Perfection is not an expectation.
Sure, it could be that my brain is wired to be a jerk forever with no consideration that I am a new creation in Christ. But I'm going to go forward with the belief that Jesus is stronger than my AS/ASD It's not that I haven't always thought that, but I have been trying to fix it on my own. Now I'm going to look for opportunities to be overly gentle and overly sensitive to others. Then my words might come out relatively sensitive. That might sound so ridiculous to you but for me and my son Jack and hundreds of other aspies (AS/ASD) we are naturally blunt and insensitive no matter how much we love you.
.JPG) |
| These are my shoes:) |
(When I was
first told to walk a mile in another person shoes, you know to think about
other perspectives, I could only think about how uncomfortable that would be,
because what are the chance we have the same shoe size? Same flat arch?
Are they wearing Nikes? How hot is it outside? Why are
walking a mile? What is at the end of the mile? Do we have to walk
back? Can I have my shoes back to walk back? I missed the obvious
point. The obvious point wasn't obvious. That's a quarter mile in my shoes.)
This morning I have already seen Jesus give me one opportunity to be sensitive by simply remaining silent. He can do this in me. I can progress and at the future resurrection of the dead I will be fully healed.
In the meantime, if you hear me start a sentence and stop it before I finish, don't ask me what I was going to say. Chances are good that I seized Jesus opportunity a tad late.
In the meantime, when I slip again, know that I truly am sorry and I am even more thankful for Jesus's grace. It really is incredible and unending.
Philippians 1:9-10 for all.
This morning I have already seen Jesus give me one opportunity to be sensitive by simply remaining silent. He can do this in me. I can progress and at the future resurrection of the dead I will be fully healed.
In the meantime, if you hear me start a sentence and stop it before I finish, don't ask me what I was going to say. Chances are good that I seized Jesus opportunity a tad late.
In the meantime, when I slip again, know that I truly am sorry and I am even more thankful for Jesus's grace. It really is incredible and unending.
Philippians 1:9-10 for all.
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