I
was diagnosed with Aspergers this week. Weird right? I am 34.
This on the heels of my son being diagnosed with it this year. As we started studying what Aspergers is and
how he can cope with it my family had many, “Wait, that sounds like daddy too”
moments. I did a bunch of Google
research and took about a dozen online tests all confirming that I too might have it,
so I went and sat down with Dr. Pinnel.
"Dr. Pinnel, is there any chance I don’t have it?"
She
says I have it…for now. In May 2013 the psychological
manual for diagnostics, the DSM-5, will not have Aspergers as specified
disorder. Instead 91% of Asperger cases
will be lumped in ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). A majority of the 9% left over will have
their doctor’s fight for their ASD diagnoses so they can continue getting
help (it's not curable or treatable by medication, but coping mechanisms do wonders.). A small percentage of people will
be told they no longer have a quantified disorder.
I
expect the Aspie (Aspergers) culture to hold onto the name for years and maybe
even see the diagnoses make a comeback in the DSM-6. But next month it’s gone.
In
May I will not have Aspergers any longer…except I still will. Just like I had it long before I was officially
told so this month. It’s part of who I
am. But thank God it is not the only
part.
Like
all of you I was born a sinner and had a desire to run away from God. But God drew me to Himself through the power
of the Gospel and the love of His Son Jesus Christ and for many years now I
have been a new creation in Christ. My
true identity, who God says I am, is holy, blameless, and beloved. He is making it happen in me (Romans
8:29). What He says is true, and I trust
it. But I often still feel the tug of
the old me wanted to run away from God.
That is a battle of faith, do I trust Jesus work fully or not? That is an adventure.
Unlike
most of you I also struggle with neurological things that have nothing to do
with a sin nature, but look like it to many people. I appear aloof, without empathy,
self-absorbed, and well, I don’t like how most clothes feel, how certain foods feel in my mouth, or the sound of
anyone breathing. But God designed me
with ASD and I am dependent on Him in completely different ways because of it. For instance my brain is hyper-wired to long
for black and white rules. That made my
journey to the land of grace and opportunity a mighty struggle. But I can see clearly how God steered my
desire for a new law into a journal of opportunities in Jesus. Honestly, the diagnosis is a relief to me and
my wife. It already has helped me
explain so many things that happened in my life that I didn’t understand
before. I now know why I can never plant
a church on my own, and why I can preach and write but struggle to share
encouragement in person. Knowing allows
my wife to laugh when I do something that used to agitate her. It allows everyone I have hung up on too early or said 'goodbye' way too late to forgive me. It allows my son to see that there are ways
to cope with the NT’s (Neurologically Typical, the term ASD people use for
normal’s) and experience love, life, success, and failure. Hopefully with Jesus.
Can
I trust Jesus is at work even in my Aspergers/ASD? Yes!
This is going to be an adventure.
Idea:
Next book…Aspie for Jesus. Haha. Ok maybe not.
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